motivation

hi,

Yesterday, i gav Kristy my first eva food diary after the nutrition session...she was so impress... i think like myself, she also don't believe i will follow her suggestion.. at first, looking at her food planning, deep inside, i also think this is not going to work... but as i am changing both my food and exercise regime, it making it hard not to follow what ever she said.. the amount of time and energy i spend in gym, making me more conscious of  the decision i make.. i still remember the warm up session during the pt, the warm up was 7 min on the bike on a kilomanjaro hill mode level 9 i think which make me sweat after a few minutes and when it is done she said we burn one apple or one bread... then i realise no wonder i never lose weight... this is so hard.. that is why i feel guilty to my body who work hard during all the work out if i feed them wrongly.. this is my biggest motivation... it is so hard to exercise too much, it is so hard to eat restrictedly.. this is how much sacrifice need to be done to lose weight healthily.. u can dont eat and lose weight but u will lose more muscle mass rather than fat.. in a long run, u will be weak... hence it is important to do it the right way... this so much effort, time, money, energy been a big part of motivation to get goin...i been this far but there r still long way to go..

the second motivation is surely my family and friends.. when i was younger, my mum said heart attack is just an excuse actually what  happen was that  it was ur dad time hav arrive and God want him back, He know best and this is the best for him... as a young teenager, u believe all what my mum said.. in a way it is also true what my mum said...what mean to be will be... God know best..but again God also want us to improve ourselves...heart attack due to obesity is preventable in some ways..but as i grew older, my dad, my grandma who live with me died of sudden heart attack... my mum n brother under high blood pressure medication... all my sibling except my youngest brother r overweight, as u grew older, u r wiser n know this all cant happen coincidently, there must be reason for all this...i love my family so much.. i want them to be happy, to live longer experiencing all the beauty of life...but again sometimes lavish and free will lifestyle sometimes do hurt you in some ways.. sometimes regardless how much we hate it, we need some discipline.. hopefully, with making this changes, my family will want to follow me... but again now with my house mates who are young people who should be open minded with new things also dont want to eat my food...always eeeu eeew here and there when trying my food... cant imagine my family who always eating delicious food 24/7.. this is going to be tough...but to change the world, we need to change ourselves..   May God always be with me in this tough journey.. besides my families, i also have some close friends who are obese.. hopefully, this will inspire them to lose weight and sometimes it is more than just self image, this is because every extra pound you carry come with the increase threat to health..health is the most important aspect in life...even money cant buy health.. although nearly all my girlfriends are skinny but hopefully this will inspire them to live healthier... good metabolism is a bless but a skinny body does not indicate a healthy self....

the third motivation that always motivate me is Kristy.. i know this sound gay.. but she is a real inspiration...she is a businesswoman, a personal trainer and a nutritionist..on top of that, she instruct classes in uni gym which i am sure does not pay her much... then, she did research about diabetes.. she is also a good dancer....recently, there is le tour de gym in the uni gym which just mimic le tour de France... she participate in 2 groups and one individual...she said as a trainer she need to set good examples to others especially uni students and which hopefully will inspire others...  this two weeks, she also will take most other instructor classes who r away...she got lots of money...but still giving bak by working in the uni gym n helping ppl lyk me who dont pay her much...on top of dat, she still manage to look hot and hav a life... .. i don't know where she got all the energy....she seem to hav everything very gal dream... successful, able to giv bak, helping others, hot, rich, she is also a very intelligent woman ...one day, i pray that i will be as successful as her... n hav a cool job like her... but still be able to give bak and help people... on top of that, she still manage to smile and spend time entertaining my stupid questions...i think i waste too much  time doing nothing... hopefully one day i will know what i want to do and make full use of time n b lyk her utilising full potential...She's been a big motivation to me... at first, i thought she is just a trainer and she got so so so many clients and i dont think she would care about me.. but seeing her so supportive in any possible ways it is hard 4 me to let her down.. i will never be able to repay her and  only God can repay her and may God bless u always... i will b eternally grateful for all dis...

lastly, the biggest motivation to do this would be myself.. i said to my friend, i will never dated an overweight guy.. this is true.. weight have been a major battle for me.. it is not so much of self image..i am bless with wonderful friends who dont discriminate me.. it more of things that i am not capable of doing because of my weight... i do love sport but up to some point, i always need to stop or back up because i get tired or i get injured... the second things is that clothing... in nz, it is fine.. i wore the biggest size for normal woman store... but in Malaysia, i need to spend more money on clothing compared to others... i can only wear size that have numbers which indicate i need to buy overseas brand such as Dorothy Perkins, Mark n Spencer... this limit my choice of clothing and waste my money.. this is just tiny miny reason... i been doing a lot of things which i think i will never be able to do and successfully doing them well but when comes to weight i always lose in the battle... sometimes, it would be fun to be good at things u r not good with... sometimes it is good to taste the sweetness of hard work.. things been so easy to me that i become so lazy, laid-back n miss so much opportunity... not been where i should be, lose the one that i love truly, madly, deeply, ungrateful and taking things for granted... this is just a weight lose journey but in a way, it become emotional...every step in the treadmill remind me all the memories of the lose opportunity, how grateful i should be, the unwise decision done.... i know we shouldn't hav regret...i dont.. but sometimes it is good to reminiscent the past and make sure they dont repeat itself.. hopefully, this sweet bitter journey making me more appreciative and grateful of things that i have.. hopefully this wrist injury, physically pain dont stop me from trying... lastly hopefully i will be tougher... n hopefuly what hurt but does not kill, make me stronger...peace..